I'm getting paid to do this? (oh, wait, no I'm not)

I know that somewhere out there in the compiled myth of American life, there exists a belief that medical school is this ridiculously taxing, four-year, miserable experience, that is basically perpetual coffee, studying, cadaver lab, with the occasional alcoholic binge. I am here to debunk this archetypal characterization, if only to show how the other half lives. That is, I know the myth is true for many classes, but on any given day, with a few exceptions, the following is a semi-accurate composite my daily activities.


6:45 a.m. - The alarm sounds. I look around in attempt to figure out how the aliens with their beeping spaceship were somehow transported into my cellphone. After determining that my dream was only a dream and the cellphone will not abduct me, I am even more puzzled as to how I was so ridiculously ambitious the night before to actually expect that I would think that the 6:45 am version of myself would not curse the 1 am self (Note: if anything in me has changed in medical school, it is the newly acquired perpetual belief that I will be more motivated . . . tomorrow)

7:30 am - See 6:45, but replace "aliens" and "spaceship" with "fifth grade gym teacher" and "go kart"

7:39 am, 7:48 am, 7:57 am, 8:06 am (whoever invented the nine minute snooze anyway?), 8:15 am, 8:24 am, et al. - same as above but with "mother/cruise ship," "best friend's sister/washing machine," "sailor/mouth," "orangutan/power wheel," "long lost uncle/Camaro," and "Ken Griffey Jr./robotic baseball bat" respectively

9:30 am - Curse the 6:45 - 8:24 versions of myself for lack of motivation.

9:31 am - Concede that since I am starting the day late, I might as well forgo extreme hard work for lack of time

9:32 am - Prepare a delicious batch of whole wheat pancakes

9:35 am - wave dishtowel over smoke detector to keep vaporized form former batch of whole wheat pancakes from evacuating the building

9:36 am - Consume burnt pancake looking substance lathered in excessive syrup

10:03 am - read the New York times online virtually cover to cover

11:30 am - adjust fantasy baseball roster

11:48 am - Repeat 10:03 am with the Detroit Free Press and subsequently, Detroit News

12:30 pm - Mentally prepare to begin studying

12:45 pm - Begin studying

12:46 pm - Begin preparing lunch

1:15 pm - Consume a meticulously prepared and non-burnt peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

1:16 pm - Revel in nostalgia

1:30 pm - Find out the Detroit Tigers are playing a day game and concede the rest of the afternoon from studying

4:01 pm - Curse the Tigers for losing, sucking, and wasting my afternoon

4:15 pm - Work off aggression in the weight room

4:30 pm - The "Dog Lady" walks through weight room (which also serves as a gateway to our patio) and wonders what profession I am involved with when I seem to be home at all hours of the day. Transpose the last half of that sentence to "I wonder what profession she is . . ."

4:35 pm - Rehydrate

4:40 pm - Make more awkward small talk with the dog lady consisting of any combination of the following topics:
-The weather
-Her dogs and their penchant for urinating on my leg in excitement
-Tomorrow's weather
-Her dogs penchant for jumping on my chest in excitement
-Yesterday's weather
-Her dogs affinity for weather

4:45 pm - Take a run

4:46 pm - Wonder why people would ever run for exercise?

5:15 pm - Ring out my T-shirt

5:16 pm - Shower, shave, etc, begin to start my day

5:45 pm - Consider dinner options

6:00 pm - Concede studying for the day because the workday should be over now. Wonder where the day goes and promise to devote myself to studying tomorrow.

As Verizon/Cingular/ATT/T-mobile have taught us, evenings and weekends are a whole different animals.