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Question: Does anyone know what the metal rack about mid-level in my microwave is supposed to do?

Answer: Keep my popcorn bag from spinning.

But seriously (or rather, maybe just slightly seriously), When did it occur to the good people at GE, Kenmore, and LG that I needed a metal rack in the middle of my microwave oven. I can only assume there is some unforseen purpose I just don't understand. I mean, I wish my dryer came with a rack so I could place tennis shoes upon it so they didn't tumble. My oven and grill come with a rack so the food doesn't just lay on the heat source. Maybe they were just trying to get the microwaves to fit in with the other appliances. Really all it does is require me to remove it every time I put something in the microwave taller than a shot glass (no, I haven't recently been doing many warm lemon drops or anything).

I think somewhere, someone wanted to dehydrate meat in the microwave and thought, wouldn't it be great if I could just set it on a metal rack that came with every microwave ever made. Unfortunately for you and me, this person was an engineering mastermind and slipped it into every microwave made in the last 5 years.

This is the same guy, who owns a laptop that takes three hours to load because of widget that gives him the daily headlines, weather, stock quotes, recipes, trendy cocktail, obscure holidays, translations, latest Chinese tattoos, celebrity blunders, stopwatch, post-it notes, calculator, dancing hula girl, credit score, savings account balance, and a smattering of other features which no one in their right mind would ever use. Trouble is, whoever puts the metal rack in my microwave is not in their right mind. They also put all the random advertisements in my credit card bills. You know how when you open up the paper bill about fifteen slips of magazine like paper advertising reclining massaging chairs and customizable transformer's checks (I like the truck guy personally).

However, for them to spend the money for that shiny paper some sucker must be sitting out there buying up Dilbert checks and stamps with their name and address like hot cakes. On a side note, when did you ever feel a compelling urge to purchase copious amounts of round, hot, delicious, griddled breakfast morsels from heaven. Other than right now, that is. If you'll excuse me I'm going to find me some bisquick like its going out of style. Further tangentially, when did anyone buy anything because it was going out of style. Like in 1995 were people racing to the stores to by MC Hammer pants?

Yet, I digress entirely and comprehensively. Point is (I think) is that there comes a time when less, is more (hence the conclusion of this meandering column). That is, I have removed the rack from my oven until I find the need to microwave my socks. Although, toasty feet do sound pretty compelling right now . . .