Realizations from a Road Trip

I traveled 11 hours each way on a road trip to Durham, North Carolina this past holiday weekend. Here is what I learned (more tomorrow if these are enjoyable).

1. Town squares are awesome
2. Small towns have a preponderance of subways
3. If I ever own a farmhouse I am definitely going to put fake candles in every window.
4. Celery is not a good road trip snack, neither are peanuts, shredded whear (Each of which I took on my roadtrip, each of which are also coincidentally very high in fiber).
5. Durham, NC is like Disney world/Harry Potter Land for rich kids.
6. Paying with a twenty dollar bill at a toll-booth is not looked upon highly.
7. Coincidentally, paying with nickels and pennies at a toll booth is not looked upon highly.
8. The state of Ohio is extremely long.
9. Tunnels don’t get old. I anticipated that they would stop being cool around age 23, unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, I still find them riveting.
10. On a related note, radios and cell phones do not seem to work inside a tunnel. Good thing driving through them is so darn cool.
11. As much as I try to disagree, my tastebuds still do not like tomatoe juice.
12. On a related note, tomatoe juice is not a beverage of choice on a road trip (because it doesn’t go well with peanuts or shredded wheat of course).
13. Going the speed limit makes spying a police officer hiding in the bushes a lot less frightening.
14. When you go the speed limit, impatient drivers are a lot more frightening.
15. By my approximation, I counted around 52 Kiss fm stations in Midwest/Southern America.
16. I have no idea why someone would want to name and or listen to a station named Kiss fm unless it featured Gene Simmons.
17. Any blue sign on the road beginning with the words “tourist activities” can be promptly ignored unless you have a deep desire to rid yourself of twenty dollar bills to avoid uncomfortable situations at the toll booth.
18. Counting singles may, or more likely may not be, a perquisite to aquiring a job at a toll booth.
19. However, having a southern accent while working at a toll booth, totally makes up for a lack of counting ability.
20. In sparsely populated parts of America, the only type of music broadcasted on fm is either a) horrendous Christian or b) horrendous country. Which, are apparently the same genre to rural populations.
21. “Thus sayeth the lord” might be the most commonly heard phrase found while scanning the radio in the middle of nowhere. Talk about a voice in the wilderness.
22. I am not sure why so many cities need cannons mounted in the town square. But in the event that intruders have a geometric preference for attacking perfect versions of rectangles situated next to courthouses and are susceptible to heavy spherical projectiles, we are in safe hands.
23. Gas station coffee allows only two unfortunate options: Drink it while its hot enough to burn your taste buds, or drink it when cool enough to lament the fact that you have taste buds.
24. If you ever see a sign on the highway advertising free coffee at a rest stop, do not stop, because it is a lie. Unless of course, that old guy in the corner with the shabby trailer was actually doling out cups of coffee, then the advertisement may be true, but all the more reason not to stop.
25. Thanks to advertisements on the back of semi’s, I now know the going rate per mile at each company, and all I can say is: Sucks to be Schneider national drivers, eh?
26. I need to work on mastering the art of stopping in a gas station, using the restroom, and wlaking right back out without purchasing anything without feeling guilty. My collection of gum, lipton green tea, V8 juice and Gatorade has grown excessive and only perpetuates the cycle.
27. “Come on Eileen” is still being ubiquitously played on the radio.
28. When Google Maps supplies a given route with a time of 11 hours and 37 minutes, that time does not hold true when you decide to take side roads running parallel to the interstated.
29. Coincidentally, you cannot merely knock off two hours from the time, tell yourself you will go 10 over the whole way, and not pee. You will in fact, pee, buy green tea, pee some more, and arrive two hours late.
30. In the case of Christmas decorations and assorted inflatable lawn creatures, less is still more central Ohio.
31. The Buick Century was not built upon the premise that fast acceleration was king.
32. The Buick Century was not built upon the premise that twenty-four year olds driving it should be able to pick up females.
33. The South is apparently different from the North. Northerners are apparently unaware of this fact, while Southerners are apparently all to keenly aware. Why don’t they just start their own country.
34. The actual name of an interstate has little to do with where it is going. For example, I recently was traveling on I-40 N and I-81 S at the same time. I have to believe that people on this freeway were, like me, feeling a) counterproductive, b) lied to or c) strangely akin to Stretch Armstrong.
35. Brown caffeinated beverages are easily spill-able, startlingly stain-forming, and embarrassingly forgettable three days later when you put on the pants without looking at the lower thigh.
36. There is a distinct limit to how long driving can be how fun.
37. I went golfing with my friend who is in school to be a minister. As a medical student, I felt as if our outing was training for the beginning of a future joke. (PS I’m Irish)
38. When determining whether to turn right or left, no tool is more useful than “never, ever, sell watermelon.” Unfortunately one can often missapproximate the direction of never, leading to a turn towards watermelon at the wrong time.
39. I do not know what at least 50% of the signs I see mean (i.e. “no jake brake,” “soft shoulder,” “speed limit”).
40. “Next 23 miles under construction” is code for “Sucks to be you, guy behind the semi.”
41. The wrong way signs on free way on/off ramps are way to close to being on the wrong side. On a related note, way too many people were getting off the freeway on an on-ramp this weekend.